Struggling with a relationship issue?
Do these feelings whirl round in your thoughts?
- I really don’t want to live with this for another 20 years. Something needs to change, soon.
- Why can’t he/she see it is their fault?
- I can’t seem to explain to her/him how I feel.
- I feel I give everything and get nothing in return
- How are our relationship difficulties affecting the children?
You are not alone, these are common reactions when relationships run into problems. I help people from all walks of life in a troublesome relationship or just recently ended a relationship with someone that you really care about. Believe me, there’s a way through these difficult times.
Helena said – ‘I have been working with Anita to overcome challenges I have faced in my past and present. This was something I was very hesitant to do at first … but I can honestly say it was one of the best decisions I have made.
I want to change my relationship for the better, but how?
These may be the thoughts and questions you may have running through your head about love and your relationship. These relationship worries are common and shared by many people. You may now be feeling that the time has come to take action to improve things, and counselling is an excellent way to proceed. Let me explain why counselling is a powerful way forward, and commend you on your courage to decide to look for a positive change.
As children grow they develop their own personalities and have a rising need for their own space, plus they can reflect their parents; this can sometimes be challenging.
Are you ready to take the first step?
Women and men are fundamentally different. The psychologist Assagioli said that we all want to be in a relationship, but the most difficult thing people find is being in a relationship.
I find one person in a relationship typically seeks help because they may be concerned about an inability to explain to the other partner what’s going on. They have feelings of hurt, concerns for the children, or one or other may have had an affair. They wonder if they are being believed when they speak up. There is always the strong sense that they want the next decade or two to be much better than the current one.
Struggling with a relationship issue?
For a free 10 minute discussion about it and what to do about it. (Or, send me a discreet message from your device)
Who makes the first step?
The person that gets in touch with me often considers it is the other who is at fault, because they seem okay, and the caller is not. It is normally the woman, although occasionally men make the first move to get help. Sometimes men come to me because they are told to come to me by their partner. I can successfully work with one person, though it is better if both of you come.
I will work hard to build a positive rapport and trust with you. My sessions are conducted in a safe and confidential environment, and I promise to offer you my empathy and understanding. You will find my counselling genuine, safe and therapeutic, and you’ll soon start making different decisions about your relationship. This comes from within, and I will help these decisions surface for you.
Listening and understanding will lead to positive change
I will help you explore why, for example, one partner may feel they don’t know how to explain what’s going on and the other seems passive, or defensive. By listening and sometimes challenging, we’ll together identify the imbalance, feelings of hurt, and problems for the relationship. I will help you understand about how to manage compromise, and how to turn this to a win-win. Clients have told me of the relief of being believed. Sometimes I find one or both of the couple have lost the skill of giving and receiving, and a positive change needs to be rediscovered to help both realise they both still love each other and are getting something from the relationship.
When couples have children, as you may have, I find they are often concerned to stay together to work things out for the children. Adults have coping mechanisms but children do not, and they do suffer when relationships go wrong. My experience is that couples are willing to seek help to work things out.
Rediscovering how to feel good about your relationship
Dealing with blame is often easily resolved. There is a huge sense of relief that the other that they don’t have to make that person better. I have an image of two trees standing side-by-side with the branches touching at the top but they don’t have to feel completely dependent on the other to make them feel good. Relationships are the same. We will explore together how you both can learn to feel good about yourselves without needing the other to do it. Relationships work best by being interdependent.
During the counselling sessions, there’s a moment when change for the better happens. It is a powerful realisation for the couple that they can manage something for themselves, and not have to rely on the other to make it better for them. This comes as a huge relief to both parties. They both gain a sense of teamwork and suddenly feel empowered, no longer blaming the other.
Time to act
Don’t hold back. It is time now to take your first decision to powerfully rebuild your relationship with your partner. Find the courage to decide to write to me below to arrange a 10 minute private conversation
Two couples’ experiences
“I have been working with Anita to overcome challenges I have faced in my past and present. This was something I was very hesitant to do at first as I felt embarrassed about getting help but I can honestly say it was one of the best decisions I have made.
Not only have I developed skills and been given tools to overcome problems I have faced but this has given me a huge confidence boost in all aspects of life varying from work performance, my attitude to relationships with friends and partners as well as confidence within myself. I feel like I finally have the power to pick myself up when I’m having difficult days and find it easier to manage obstacles. This is something I struggled with a year ago and now I feel like I have improved and continue to develop skills and approaches in being the best version of myself I can be and that’s thanks to the guidance from Anita.
I can’t thank her enough for all the support I have received and continue to recieve I fully recommend her expertise to anyone that needs guidance in their lives. you will start to see incredible results and Anita will be there throughout your journey.”
h
Helena
July 2021
“Mine and her relationship has also greatly improved, well as much as it can with a 13 year old and Jack and I talk and communicate so much better and that is undoubtedly due to the work we did with you.”
K
Kayleigh
Winter 2018/9
Dealing with relationships’ riskier times
I often find more people come to me for counselling after Christmas, or after a holiday. When we spend 24 hours a day together over an extended time, there are huge challenges that strain any relationship, the extra bits come to the surface. But if we understand why this happens, I will help you see how to effectively deal with the strains from this occasion and avoid future ones.
Sometimes, inevitably counselling will uncover that one party really does want to leave. I make it really clear in the beginning, that unless you care about the other person and that you and the other person really do want to improve your relationship, then you are wasting your money and time. However, much more importantly, if the counselling does turn you both round, think about what has been avoided.
To Visit:
When planning your visit I can help you in person at my practice, or, if you prefer, online through Zoom, or by WhatsApp. I am a 5 minute walk from Barnet’s The Spires bus stops, or 15 minutes from Barnet Station (5-8 minutes by taxi ).
Start Healing Together
People often ring me between 9:30am to lunchtime when they have a private moment. Let us both see how I will help you and your partner take the first powerful step towards changing your future love and relationship for the better.
